Other days you just want to SHUT EVERYONE UP, including the annoying voices in your head.
Today is of the latter.
I haven't been feeling too good about myself lately. Things haven't been working out, and I seem to feel less of myself. As if I am too blame for everything. Maybe the world isnt going the right way because of ME. Something might be wrong with ME. How can I format MYSELF? Is it me? Or Is it ME? Can I blame myself for everything? YES! WHo else is there to blame. I hate myself lately. I hate me.
When I'm stressed I don't think straight. My day is filled up with presentations, midterms, and the oh-so-not-great-social life(includes family life).
None of which I can ignore for any period of time.
So what I end up doing is venting here, and every other place.
I wish life was always peaceful and perfect. I wish I had the brains of the smartest person in class. She always gets 100% in all her exams, and projects. And she doesnt look nerdy. But still I hate her, cuz shes a mean person. When I ask her a question regarding any upcoming exam she acts dumb and says 'I dont have notes' YEAH RIGHT!
I wish that it becomes official. Its so simple. Why make it complicated?
I wish I was a champion horse back rider, and jumped fences higher than 2 metres.
I wish I would get into 'Hay'at el estethmar' without much complications, from family or life.
I wish that I could get married and hide behind my husbands back and let him deal with all lifes difficulties.
I wish that I was more 'Dayna', and wore a 7ejab. But its not simple from the family that I come from. Allah ehadeeney enshalla !
I wish that my brothers would always be good. I love them to pieces but they are TOO MUCH for me to handle. Even the kid (now 13)
Im in a bad mood, I wish yet3adal bser3a cuz I have a presentation that I'm not halfway prepared for. And its group work I cant let them down.
Nothing seems to be working out.
