RANDOM THOUGHTS

Some days everything works out perfectly, and all day you are smiling and feel good about yourself.

Other days you just want to SHUT EVERYONE UP, including the annoying voices in your head.
Today is of the latter.
I haven't been feeling too good about myself lately. Things haven't been working out, and I seem to feel less of myself. As if I am too blame for everything. Maybe the world isnt going the right way because of ME. Something might be wrong with ME. How can I format MYSELF? Is it me? Or Is it ME? Can I blame myself for everything? YES! WHo else is there to blame. I hate myself lately. I hate me.

When I'm stressed I don't think straight. My day is filled up with presentations, midterms, and the oh-so-not-great-social life(includes family life).
None of which I can ignore for any period of time.

So what I end up doing is venting here, and every other place.

I wish life was always peaceful and perfect. I wish I had the brains of the smartest person in class. She always gets 100% in all her exams, and projects. And she doesnt look nerdy. But still I hate her, cuz shes a mean person. When I ask her a question regarding any upcoming exam she acts dumb and says 'I dont have notes' YEAH RIGHT!

I wish that it becomes official. Its so simple. Why make it complicated?

I wish I was a champion horse back rider, and jumped fences higher than 2 metres.

I wish I would get into 'Hay'at el estethmar' without much complications, from family or life.

I wish that I could get married and hide behind my husbands back and let him deal with all lifes difficulties.

I wish that I was more 'Dayna', and wore a 7ejab. But its not simple from the family that I come from. Allah ehadeeney enshalla !

I wish that my brothers would always be good. I love them to pieces but they are TOO MUCH for me to handle. Even the kid (now 13)

Im in a bad mood, I wish yet3adal bser3a cuz I have a presentation that I'm not halfway prepared for. And its group work I cant let them down.

Nothing seems to be working out.

Happy Birthday Bitch

Its my cousins birthday and I was excited about celebrating it with her. Thursday afternoon she told me she had no plans and wanted to celebrate.
Today I went and got her a birthday present and a card, all day i was on my toes and couldnt wait to give it to her and make her happy as we went out to celebrate her special day.

Since my phone line was disconnected, I had to wait to get home and call her via house phone.
It turns out she had made plans with her sisters friends and her sister and they were all going out to dinner.
"I Thought u said u had no plans and wanted to do something"
"NO I told u that I HAD PLANS."
"Ok I must have imagined it then, anyway ur present is here come pick up before u go"
"Sure mashkooora wayyyed 7abebtey! Ill come by in an hour"
"El3afo Happy Birthday"

I was tired and wanted to sleep. But I went to my car, got out her present and birthday card, wrote a birthday message on the card. And waited waited waited.
Its 12:30 AM and she still didnt come.

I wasnt even asked to go with them to celebrate.
It would have been nice to ask.

Not that I was going anyway, cuz my mom was coming back today from travelling. But it would have been considerate.

So Happy Birthday Bitch.